Look Closer

What do you see nurse, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you look at me?
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit with far away eyes.
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply:
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try."
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who quite unresisting lets you do as you will;
With bathing or feeding the long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurse, you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
As I move at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten... with a father and mother,
And brothers and sisters who love one another.
A girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon a true lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty... my heart gives a leap;
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty five, I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure and happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young ones have grown up and gone;
But my man stays beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty, once more babies play round my knees;
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead...
I look at the future, I shudder with dread;
For my young are all busy with young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I am an old woman now, and nature is cruel,
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years... all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes nurse, open and see...
Not a crabbit old woman,
Look closer... see ME.

Phyllis McCormack

Download the poem as a pdf

What do you see?

'Look Closer' is part of a ten-minute video called 'What do you see?', made by the actress Amanda Waring. As the daughter of Dorothy Tutin, who died in 2001, she watched her mother in various hospitals and was appalled that she was never "seen as a person" - not a famous person, just a person. So she made this film, not just to help the training of carers, nurses and doctors, but for everyone.

Copies of 'What do you see?' can be ordered via email or by sending a cheque for £9.99 to Looking for Magic Ltd, Becketts, Tripp Hill, Fittleworth, West Sussex, RH20 1ER. 

Last updated 26/02/2010 10:38:59

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